Future Hoop and stuff that happens

Future Hoop arrived today. (When I typed this it was still Thursday)

To explain my excitement...I don't know if I can really. I stayed up all night waiting for the post office to open, listening to music and watching music videos.

Music plays a huge part of my life, aside from my writing-role playing *online role playing*, it has been a constant in my life, it has helped pull me through some very hard times. And now with hooping, it is a beautiful way to relax and workout.

But let's get into a back story about this - I on the outside look quite 'healthy', thin - young looking *that's just good genetics and taking care of my skin.*.

I am actually NOT that healthy, nor in shape. I tend to eat very bad food, full of grease and fat. However I do have a love for fruits and veggies? Raw tomatoes with salt, eaten like an apple! OH! and I eat Lemons as if they are oranges.

That tends to get some stares when I tell people that, but I have a lovely friend Francis who eats the same - so we bond over that, she is quite an awesome chick!

Green peppers and cucumbers chopped up with some house salad dressing <3. Now I'm making myself hungry, and I'm pondering what to snack on. On one hand I have a bag of mini Reese's peanut butter cups *the Easter egg shaped ones* in the freezer, on the other hand there is a tomato that is calling my name asking to be devoured.

Like souls.

Yes I went there, wasn't that fun? I went from eating good to eating souls, like a deadite. Evil Dead reference there! Shop smart, shop S-mart!

And there goes my train of though and ability to stay on topic, I apologize, sorta. Because I know I will do it again, so brace yourselves I tend to be rather random. Random movie - tv - book quotes just happen.

Ask my coworkers, since I work in a stock room it tends to be very cold and dry in there. So when I see a coworker put lotion on their hands, I tend to walk by saying "It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again."

However, it is a misquote. The correct quote from Silence of the Lambs is "It rubs the lotion in it's skin or else it gets the hose again."

~
Back to the matter at hand. Hooping, music, and health. Now when I talk about 'health' I am not just talking about the body, I am talking about the mind as well.

In my school days -elementary (primary school-middle school) to High school-. I was...

This is actually hard to type, so forgive me here.

Skinny, long plain brown here, big coke bottle glasses, had braces for a time, quiet little girl. If you noticed me you would have thought nothing of me, or joined in with the bullying. I wasn't very social. I wasn't invited to hang out or to birthday parties, I had 'friends' but really they where just a group of girls who I THOUGHT where friends. I had guy friends, but mostly because I had some of the same likes as them.

Video games mostly. But The video game thing I'll get into on another day. Let's just say I've been playing video games since I was in the single digits, and the systems I have played on and owned range from an Atari to a PS4, original Game boy to a 3DS. Yes I've even online gamed.

If you remember MechWarrior and City of Heros, you just unlocked a trophy, congrats you may now move to the next level, don't forget to level up your stat points and buy new gear for your character. And Save your progress.

Anyway, I was never into sports much. I would have rather hidden in the library, computer lab, or art room the go outside and play with the other kids. But when I had no choice, I was on the swings by myself, picking up bugs I found, or when I could get one from the school gym - playing with a hula hoop. I was actually quite good.

Then to high school, where I learned pretty quick that my friends where quite fake, even the guys. I was 'informed' by a person that they *the girls* where my friends only because they pitied me. Because no one liked me. Great. Thanks. I really needed to know that. I wasn't asked out to school dances, and my close guy friends asked other girls because, I don't know. I wasn't -pretty- enough?

(In hindsight, my TEACHERS knew how bad the bullying got for me and my brother - I'll cover the effects of the bullying in another post, because what happened has had HUGE lasting effects on my life, and at one point. Almost ended it. / The teachers knew and some tried, most ignored it, and school counsler told me that I was -mistaken- because the girls in question where 'nice good girls and popular' I had to have been mistaken about who they where. I had a rather small class, I'm not blind and I do know names, so that was a huge let down of trust in my elders.- My parents tried hard to help me and my brother, going to the school and the school board, nothing was done.)

Keep in mind, all of this happened BEFORE the huge laws and changes in view on how bullying affects kids.

But through out all of this, music pulled me through. I did own an old hula hoop that in summer I would play with - if I wasn't out playing or running around the woods on make believe adventures! *Yes even in high school, I would play make believe. It made things easier to handle.

So I didn't come home every.single.day. and cry. Or I'd play video games or read books, do some sort of craft activity to get my mind off things. Family helped, they where better friends then any of my school mates.

So I left high school with the determination to change my life. Went to college for a bit, dropped out of college, due to disinterest - and unsure on what I actually wanted to DO. Entered the workforce.

And now as an "adult" I have discovered true friends. However I've never been happy with my body. It's not bad just not as in shape as I would like. I just had no true motivation to do much about it - aside from running around the countryside, hiking trails, biking, climbing trees - falling OUT of the trees, because I forgot how gravity works and that some branches can't hold my weight.

I discovered 'Hooping' through the Internet, I've been considering going to a gym to get fit! But kind of hated the idea of doing classes with -people-, or using equipment and not knowing how to balance out the areas on my body I want to work on. (However, getting a Wii Fit for Christmas one year, has helped! Hooray I can do Yoga at home and NOT worry about some strange gym rat dude staring at my ass in yoga pants as I bend over! -EW, my butt is not your personal entertainment, THANK YOU VERY MUCH -

Thank you xSparkage for introducing me to LED hula Hoops, she's a makeup guru on youtube ( check her out! ), So, I watched a few videos and decided I wanted to try.

I bought Glitch from Mood Hoops, in size Large. Then I began to just mess around with it, play around with it. Relearn HOW TO HULA HOOP. Then I got Neon from Mood Hoops in size Medium.

Then I went to a gym that has a large space used for classes, with lots of mirrors. And discovered the true JOY of learning how to hoop dance. Starting to learn tricks and off the body moves, building muscle back up, strengthen my back, arms and stomach.

Hitting myself in the head with hoop, again, and again and again... Dropping the hoop, accidentally not catching the hoop... You know LEARNING. You make mistakes, if your not making mistakes your not learning. No one is perfect on the first try. Or 5th.

Then, I stopped going. I just stopped. Like I was pushed into a hole that I couldn't clamor out of. I stopped.

My grandfather was diagnosed with Alhelizimers - and had a heart problem that he now had a pacemaker for, He had been doing ok, but over the past two years been getting worse. Then got very bad. IT was hard to do much aside from go to work, come home and try to 'cope' with the ever dwelling knowledge that my grandpa was dying. That soon I wouldn't have him anymore, he'd be gone.

My grandfather was a United States Marine, when he was honorably discharged he was a Gunnery Sergeant. He had been in Force Recon, and had been award a Bronze Star...

For his actions in the Korean War, at the Chosin Reservoir. My grandfather is one of the 'Chosin Few', one of the Marines that went through that hell and lived.

(As I must note here, he did travel through Seoul, which during that time, was NOT in good shape. Keep in mind at that time South Korea was and had been a battle field. He told me, that the people where friendly, good, and nice people. He liked them. He also made it VERY clear to us that he didn't condone or take part in any of the shitty stuff that others did. He hated that kind of thing, and took great pride in being in charge of a group of other Marines.

Perhaps another day, I'll tell you more about him. And how awesome he was.

But that's the kind of man he was, He could make friends with total strangers, and strike up a conversation with anyone. He loved making people smile.

Now you should have noticed... I've been using the past tense.

My grandfather died on Feb 11th, 2014.

I still haven't stopped crying over it. I miss him so much every day.  The utter darkness and fear of losing him hit hard. It still feels unreal - and is very difficult to this very day.

I had been staring at my hoops, and wanting to go back to the gym to drag myself out of this feeling of utter loss. I just had no motivation. Not even my music could pull me out, not even my Little Sister's support and encouragement. (Best Friend, just younger then me, we're very close like sisters and I am older then her, she calls me Big Sister.) None of my friends could. And I have a tight little group of friends.

Grief is the most powerful form of pain I have ever felt. It makes your bones hurt, every muscle in your body screams in utter agony, and you just can't stop crying. Because everything hurts, and your heart and mind just can't understand the LOSS. Part of you goes numb then just starts hurting again.

I was goofing around on my iPhone, with the new -radio- feature. I hadn't listened to KPOP in years, a good 4 years? I used to be a fan of the 'older' groups. H.O.T. , G.O.D... ShinHwa, mostly. As I was listening to some random groups I don't remember the names of...that kinda all sounded the same.

Nu'Est came on, and I was ready to skip right on over them.

I'm not sure why I stopped, and let it play. I don't remember which song it was, I'm thinking it was Action, because that's the one I looked up on youtube first. - and have favorite on my playlist. I just checked.

Now, I'm into EDM - Electronic Dance Music. I love music you'd hear at Electric Daisy Carnival, Trance, Techno, House, Dubstep, Gothic Industrial, Happy Hardcore. I have ATB, David Guetta, Lady Gaga, Basshunter, Kaskade, Nero, Dev, Robyn, Benny Benassi, to Dancehall and random remixes and collabs between different dance music artists.

So I went on a hunt,  music videos. I didn't and to this day haven't really watched any of the 'L.O.V.E. videos, I think 2 of them, I've actually watched.

Mostly because I'd start a video, then they'd do something adorable. and I'd turn it off because.. -nope, too adorable.- It's like watching a room full of puppies playing. And you just want to pat them all on the head and take care of them.

Here's some hot cocoa, a blanket and your favorite plush toy, I put in the movie UP for you, I'm going to go cook dinner, shout if you need anything. - It's not 'motherly' affection. It's more big sister / older friend etc feeling. I have a 'bad habit' of taking care of my younger friends, I get joy out of seeing the ones I find dear to me, smile. not too bad I suppose? I did find out a dear friend of mine really wanted a 3DS, I already had one, and the price had dropped. However they couldn't afford one, and where not in a -good life place-. So, I may have bought them one and gave it to them as a 'because you need to feel joy in your life' gift.

They completely freaked out, They are still thanking me for that and cherish it. Hey, They are a very good person and important friend of mine, they had given so much of themselves to help others; I believed it was only fair if some of that kindness came back to them.

ANYWAY MUSIC YES HULA HOOP OK BACK ON TRACK.

I listened, I watched. I saw recognizable patterns.

You can Hoop to this. YOU CAN HOOP DANCE TO THIS. It wasn't just ONE song, the three videos I saw, Action, Face, Sleep Talking, all had recognizable patterns and parts for hoop tricks and movements.

-I did download every album though, and have been listening to them slowly but surely - I need constant upbeat music when I'm driving to counteract the slight road rage..'WHY YOU DRIVE STUPID ITS JUST SNOW! WE LIVE IN AN AREA THAT GETS SNOW EVERY YEAR, THIS IS NOT A BIG SUPRISE THAT SNOW HAPPENS! WHY DRIVE LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN SNOW!'

It's all I could think of...I'd listen to the music, and my other music and one again feel that utter urge to get my sorry butt back into the gym and start hoop dancing again, to feel the rush again, the JOY hooping gives me, How it helps me to breathe and relax and remove all the stresses of day to day.

But I wanted to do more then that, I wanted to say thank you.

Thank you for unknowingly pulling me out of the utter hopelessness and loss of losing one of the most important people in my entire life. Thank you for helping make managing the pain by inspiring me to go back to what I love.

I bought the future hoop, something I had been wanting since it first came out. I got it because it is the one hoop *aside from a fire hoop - which I am NOT ready for yet..I'm not good enough to start spinning fire and NOT catch myself on fire or burn myself.* that I saw as a perfect fit for the songs.

I'm still practicing, working on moves, tricks and my own skill level. Figuring out what goes best where, and what I am able to pull off seamlessly.

And with help from my dear ones, I hope to not just get my lazy butt back into shape - but record videos of my own hoop dancing. Not just to my collection of EDM music...

But to the Nu'est songs, that where the driving force in getting me out of a very painful hole in my life. It will take a LONG time to fully 'come to terms' with the loss of my grandfather.

But this is a fantastic start.

Allons-y!

(Dr. Who 10th doctor reference, internet cookies if you get it)